Technology, my fitness friend, is a glittering siren that promises greatness, then throws you headfirst into the jagged rocks of reality.

Today, my trusty iPhone 12 regurgitated a photo from a decade ago of me, the mad professor of fitness, nerdily strapping electrodes to my thumb in the name of science and progress.

The device?

A Frankenstein contraption called “Check My Levels.”

Picture it: sticky electrodes, a mild zap, and a twitchy thumb.

The goal? Predict whether I’d crush deadlifts, chase a sick pump, pick up a heavy a$$ big diameter DB or drag my sorry carcass through some pathetic mobility drills.

It was like trying to read the future in tea leaves, except the tea leaves electrocuted you. Zap, zap bitches.

A Sexy Theory, a Dumpster Fire Reality

This gizmo came highly recommended by none other than track coach Carl Valle. Naturally, I had to try it as Carl had a track record (get it, track coach, I make funny – hahaha) of normally being dead nutZ on.

For over a year, I zapped my way through training sessions, meticulously collecting data.

And what did I find?

That the real-world results were about as useful as a one-legged man in an a$$-kicking contest.

Crap.

This isn’t my first run-in with flashy, over-hyped methods.

Tap tests? Tried them.

Vertical jumps? Check.

I’ve tested a litany of devices and would-be vapor-ware.

Been there, wasted money on that. Most of these gadgets end up in the same place: the poo-can of broken dreams.

And let’s be honest — how many people are going to drop several thousand bucks on tech that might work? I love my metabolic cart, but $7K is not in reach of most.

Even the “affordable” options often fail to deliver, leaving you with nothing but buyer’s remorse and a lighter wallet.

The Unicorn of Performance Predictors

But amidst this mountain of steaming disappointment, one method — has stood the test of time. Day in and day out.

I’ve used it for 15 years and still use it today.

Drumroll, please.

HRV

Yes, Heart Rate Variability — the unsung hero of performance tracking.

Before you PubMed ninjas go sharpening your pitchforks, let me be clear: HRV isn’t a magic bullet…

…But if you know how to wield it, it’s the closest thing we’ve got to a crystal ball.

Why HRV Isn’t BS

HRV doesn’t promise miracles.

It’s a tool, not a prophet.

But used correctly, it can guide your training decisions with laser precision. And guess what? You don’t need electrodes, a second mortgage, or a Ph.D. in rocket science to use it effectively.

That’s where I come in, as I literally did my PhD on HRV and met flex.

The Final Word

Here’s the harsh truth: the quest for the ultimate performance predictor is like chasing a unicorn.

Most gadgets are just expensive distractions.

But HRV?

That’s the real deal.

It’s simple, effective, and backed by a decade and half of my own sweat, data, and a few existential crises.

So, ditch the gimmicks.

Embrace the science.

And for the love of gainZ, get your HRV game on point.

Much love and variability,
Dr. Mike